Monday, September 1, 2008
One of the thoughts I wanted got away
I haven't been writing my book lately because it wasn't going well. A week ago I decided to write down a book outline but realized that the first part of the book, the introductions to the two main characters, was boring. If the beginning of a book is boring then people won't want to read it and I will have worked for nothing. So I stopped writing for awhile and read books on how to write a book. They helped a lot. When I wrote the book outline I never finished it. The end of my book is the hardest part but I really wanted to figure it out before I wrote it. I don't think that is going to happen unless I have some huge dream that explains everything(they have come back and they are really annoying). Last night I was thinking about how to start the book and I had a wonderful period of time that was filled with words to write. Fool that I am, I went too far and couldn't remember the first sentence. I do remember that it was perfect. I am so angry at myself. I should tell that to my psychologist. Things I should tell her: I don't want to dream anymore, I feel angry again, and feeling happy is something I am willing to give up to ignore my stupid feelings. I should tell my doctor that I am willing to have a pimply face if I can have dairy in the mornings again. Can't you just tell that I don't do well when all I had for breakfast was a slice of zucchini? My sleep hasn't improved but I'm not as tired. I am annoyed.