Monday, September 8, 2008

Mine deviled eggs

People want me to give them some of my deviled eggs. Sorry, they're mine (which means that I haven't written enough). My stories are too long and complicated (and I haven't finished them yet). I could try a short story but.... I haven't a clue what will come out of that bran of mine if I didn't plan it out beforehand. I thought of this beginning while I was waiting in the car. It's filed in my bran under 'random thoughts that could make me famous some day if I can fit it into a story.' (I made myself smile) Here goes:

'Waiting isn't boring, it's just.... slow. Not that I don't mind slow. Waiting is uneventful. That's it: uneventful. No, it can't be uneventful because the leaves on that tree are blowing. I guess you could call watching them an event.' She gave up trying to describe waiting. Waiting was waiting and it didn't matter if she knew how to describe it or not. Instead she let her mind wander. Being a worrier, her mind went straight for all the possibilities of what could go wrong before her mom got back. 'Someone could open the car door and drive away with me. That would be an adventure.' Just to check that she hadn't jinxed herself, she looked over at the driver's seat. At first she didn't believe it. But soon she realized she had jinxed herself. Leaning through the open window was a man reaching for the keys. It seemed to her that she didn't even think before she decided that getting the keys and running would be the best thing to do. If that didn't work, she would find something to fight him with.

How (I hate the caps on this computer!) was that? If this was a book would you like to read more or do you have better things to do? Do you like my writing voice or does it need to develop? I would love some constructive criticism. Or just criticism would do........(criticism has too many eyes)


Eldon and Janeil Olsen said...

Love that--"criticism has too many eyes." We should have a blind eyes to some of the bad stuff around it and concentrate on the good.

Yes, your story grabbed me. I want to read more.

Grandma O.

Sweet Polly Purebred said...

I'm amazed how you turned a boring moment, sitting in a parking lot, into a "gotcha" moment. Yes, it definitely made me wonder what happened next.

Ken said...

Very Rivetting story. Tell us more. Tell us more!

They used to publish stories chapter by chapter in newspapers. Maybe you could string us along blog by blog.

brenda said...

I can't wait to see if she gets away!